Brain dump.

It's a great feeling to know that despite stopping my PT training, I have not gone off track. Well I did, for a couple of weeks (I was also sick) and am now back into it. I think for me it is all about routine. And deceiving myself into thinking I have 'options'. I eat porridge for breakfast every day, it took me a while to get into the habit, but now that it's ingrained I no longer have to think about what I'm going to have in the morning and thus open myself up to all the bad choices I could make. However I do allow myself to occasionally have a bacon and egg sandwich from my fav café every once in a while. This way I feel like I can still have my bad foods- but the difference is that it is quality bad food. Not a Macca's breakfast but a gourmet sandwich. So I feel like I am indulging and it makes it worth it. But it also a little out of the way, so it has to be worth it going there and not just driving on auto pilot to work every day.

Anyways, I do similar 'tricks' for the rest of my meals. So that I feel like I can have variety if I really want it and it won't derail me.

Now that I have stopped my PT though, I woke up one morning in a panic worrying that I couldn't fit into my pants anymore because I had gained weight. I was scared that I was slipping. And that's when I knew I could not let that happen. So right now I am concentrating on sleeping properly- a big one for me as I make bad choices when tired- and getting into an exercise routine. For me I need to make a choice and stick with it and eventually it just becomes ingrained. The key is to realise that you do have enough time to do something, you just have to realise your priorities. TV and reading when I get home, are not a priority. Exercise is, then getting ready for the next day, then I can chill out. And feel good about it too. Not feel guilty and look out the window or look at my gut and think I should have done something.. but I didn't. I don't want those feelings anymore, so I'm working hard to make sure they don't happen.

So far so good. It's been almost 2 weeks and I haven't skipped a day of walking. I've even started extending the walks, going up hills, or jogging for parts of it, so that it is more of a work out and to increase the variety. Needless to say my dog is very happy, he is loving all the exploring we are doing.

Today is the test though. It is cold and wet outside. So far I feel like I am capable of going for a walk in the rain, I'll just make sure I am rugged up. But when I get home tired and cold, will I feel the same way? Probably. But you know what? I'm going to go anyway. Because sometimes a little bit of hardwork goes a long way, and in this case I need to keep moving forward not backwards!

I have not lost more weight, but I haven't gained anything substantially either. I feel that if I keep in this direction I will be ok. I will just keep adding things into my workouts to keep me going until I reach the right point for weight loss. And really, I'm happier right now. I feel like a weight has shifted in my mind about my body, about how to look after it and exercise in general. I feel like if I was just a bit more toned (who doesn't want to be toned??) then I would be happy with my size. Because I am happy and I am healthy, and isn't that the main thing??