However, surprisingly, despite the lack of sleep, I am feeling better than yesterday. Probably because while I am tired, I don't feel like crap. I don't feel like I've derailed and want nothing else but to jump into a bowl of cookie and cream ice cream with mini m&m's ... and here's why...
I had a productive day at work yesterday. I ate my cereal and rice milk. Then went to a meeting and at 2pm had lunch, I had a chicken and salad sandwich on multigrain bread. I had a coke and a piece of chocolate. I came home from work and went to my 45min boxing group, then I went home and took the dog for a 30 min walk.
Afterwards I had a shower, ducked to the shops and came home and made a baby spinach, feta and roasted pumpkin salad with chicken (which is also my lunch today FYI) with a small bowl of oven cooked fries.
So reading that ^^ I know a lot of people would be "That is so unhealthy! I don't understand.." but the thing is I was expecting to it be a lot worse. I expected to go right off the bandwagon. But I didn't. I ate salad, I didn't eat ice cream. I did more exercise than I normally do in one day. And I feel good. I feel like I can get back on track and really start to buckle down again.
I think part of that is because of a few blogs I have been reading, about other people struggling and realising I really am not the only one. And also realising I really am not ready to stop yet. I still have a long way to go, and I really want to get there.
I had lunch with a friend the other day. I love her to bits, we are very similar in many ways, including our struggle with weight. And right now she is at the stage where she doesn't have the time or energy to do anything about it. Which I get completely. But it also really brought home how much I don't want to be in the same position. I want to do this. I want to have a body I am happy with and comfortable with and don't have to feel self conscious about when I am next to my family and friends.
I want to do this.
I want to be healthy. I want to be able to say when I eat a piece of chocolate that it really is my first for the week/month. I want to be able to say that I exercise every day. I want to be able to fit into size 14 jeans. I want to have a flat stomach. I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want to be able to move freely and not breathe heavily after a short jog.
I want to change.
So time to stop the excuses, to stop pretending I'm normal and can get away with eating what I want. Time to actually do the work and get this body in shape!
<<<My friend just sent me this photo from New Years a few years a go ( It was 80's themed)
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