THE Dream Body

Everyone has a shape, a goal, a size that they think is healthy, sexy, attractive. Everyone has that dream of what they want to look like when they lose weight.

For some it is simply to be within a healthy weight range. For others it's to be toned all over. A flat stomach. No longer taking medication. Fitting into that dress. Single digit clothing. So on and so forth.

Everyone has a dream of that body.

For me, it is to be healthy, to be fit*, to have a flat stomach. BUT I still want my curves, I still want to have soft tissue. I do not want to ever be too thin. I don't really care about toning. It would be nice, but it is not terribly important.

*Fit is also something that is subjective. To me fit means to be able to get up the stairs without puffing, to be able to do push ups if I want to, to be able to run after a child, and play games without being short of breathe.  A very broad fitness is what I want. I don't need to be able to run for miles on end, to be able to do lift my own body weight ( although that is something I would like to do once!) or any of those things. My main reason for exercising is to be healthy and to do something I enjoy.

Anyways as I was talking about what I want and don't want. I realised everyone's goals are different, everyone's reasons are different.

What is your ideal?

Self Harm and Foods

There are many ways of hurting yourself, and mine was chocolate.

Now this might not sound like I'm doing myself any harm, and was actually rewarding myself, but I wasn't.

You see I get sick from eating rich foods, so cream, chocolate cake, chocolate, anything really rich, and generally sweet and not long after eating some, I would be gagging and trying to bring it up (and not by choice.)

When I was particularly down and unhappy with myself, hating myself for my eating choices, the way I looked, what I was doing to myself and generally having a pity party, I would have to have chocolate.

Except instead of stopping at a couple of pieces I would the entire block until I was physically sick.

And my reasoning for my behaviour? I deserved it. I deserved to be sick for the way I treated myself, for eating the way I did. For being fat, for giving in to temptation, for not being better, stronger, healthier etc etc

Thinking about it now, I realise of course that it was not reasonable, it was not sensible, and it certainly didn't help me and my weight. But of course, like many things, you only see that when you look back.

I still struggle with that today. I still struggle not to punish myself unnecessarily for giving in to temptation, for falling of the band wagon, for having something I shouldn't, or for not reaching my goals in time, for not pushing myself harder, faster, better.

For not being better, stronger, healthier.

And I think a lot of that comes down to my own self perception, and letting go of constantly wanting to be perfect and meet these unrealistic expectations. To try and stop thinking about how people might be judging me for eating chocolate or having an extra slice of pie, when they don't know who I am, what I am trying to do, how hard I have been working.

I feel like when I read blogs about weight loss and they meet success after success and have lost amazing amounts of weight that I have even more pressure to meet those standards.

But then I take a step back, and think, is that really realistic? Is that sustainable? Are they going to be able to maintain that progress in the long term, or are they going to burn up? Or are they simply in a better place, more supported, more motivated than me?

Who am I to say. All I know is that at the moment my own worst enemy is myself. I am the one that puts the pressure on, that says yes or no to that extra slice, that puts in the effort at the training sessions. Or not.

I feel like I need to start taking more responsibility for my actions, and to stop punishing myself for not achieving everything the first time.

Do I fall into that "fat" stereotype anymore?

So after enjoying a nice long weekend, where I went hot ballooning with my mum and then pretty much crashed most of the rest of the weekend. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. Which to me tells me I really needed the sleep as normally I am one of those people that can just go, go, go.

Anyways as I was laying around the house on Friday afternoon, all I could think about was how it irked me that if I told someone about my weekend all they would think was that I was being a typical "fat" person and being lazy.

Now I know there is no "typical" "fat" person or behaviours, everyone is different and often came to be fat/overweight from different reasons, whether it be medical, physical, emotional or behavioural.

But as I was thinking about this, I tried to summarise how I lived, and whether it would fall into that stereotypical category. Because for some reason I really didn't wanted to be associated with that lifestyle anymore.

So here are a few things which I believe are associated with being fat:

• Watching T.V. - of course everyone does it, but for some reason fat people are associated with it.

Just picture an obese person. What do you get? An overweight man in a sofa with a beer watching telly. Or at least I do.

• Fast Food.- Going through HJ's/ Macca's. I know this is completely unfair but these are the sort of images that come to mind.
• Large servings
• Lack of exercise
• Anti Social behaviours
• Smoking/drinking excessively.
• Snacking-sneakily. This in particulary was a bad behaviour of mine. If noone saw me do it, it was ok.

And now my lifestyle:

I don't drink most of the time. Usually on social/special occasions such as birthdays etc Usually only a glass. (Unless I am being particularly peer pressured.)
I don't smoke.
I don't go through fast food restaurants unless it's 2 am in the morning after being out with friends and I am the DD. Honestly though we're getting a bit old for that, and I can't even remember the last time I did it!

I have my personal training twice a week, and then I also do a large amount of exercise through my job, which is to set up events- so lifting, packing, walking up and down stairs and walking around show grounds etc
If I don't have an event on I try to do something on the weekend, usually taking the dog for a walk, my favourite place is about 15 minutes from where I live and is a national park which has some great trails up and through the bush and hills, so it's not too easy!
This coming weekend I am participating in my 3rd walk for charity event.

Serving sizes is still something I struggle with, mostly because when you live at home, or go out for tea, people are plating up for you, and they tend to be quite large. However I have started to notice that I can leave things on my plate once I am full. This goes against everything I grew up with, but I know I don't need it and now I don't want it either.

Television. TV is a funny one for me. I love movies, I love T.V series. But I hate TV. I can't stand the advertisements and shitty television shows. And somewhere in the past year I have realised that there is no point in wasting my time watching T.V. Sure there will be times that I will sit down with the family and watch a particular show. But mostly I will wait until it comes out on DVD and then watch the DVD. Half the time and double the pleasure of watching it without the ads.

Mostly though I read. To me reading is becoming increasingly rare and outdated and that saddens me. I have read and loved reading for most of my life, and despite most of my job being increasingly online, I hate the idea of reading a book on a e-reader/kindle. Where is the enjoyment in that? 

So now looking at that, looking at how I live, and feel and the things I do, and what I personally associate with being a "fat" lifestyle. Can I honestly say that I fall into that category anymore? Can I blame my lifestyle for my weight? The answer is no. Which only proves just how far I have come.

Revisiting my goals

As I was reading some of the posts from the blogs I follow and I was reminded of my weight loss goals and decided it was time to revisit them. It's not that I haven't been thinking about it, but the fact is my goals have  shrunk to things like doing better in training and eating better day to day. I haven't weighed myself  in quite a while, however my clothes are becoming loose so I know I am staying on track. So keeping that in mind, I estimate that I am about 95ish kgs now- I am basing this purely on which clothes I am fitting back into.


July 1st  8kgs                  Smallest I have been in almost 3 years :(
Challenge: Jog for 5 minutes without panting.
Reward: A new handbag.
So I didn't achieved this goal by the date, however I have lost about 10kgs which is rewarding. It's scary to think this is the smallest I have been in about 3 years! I can jog for 5 minutes but I am still breathing hard -but not exhausted.

August 5th  16kgs
Be able to fit into old “skinny” clothes such as jeans, shorts etc
Challenge: Finish a 8km Obstacle course
Reward: Day Spa Treatment.

So I didn't achieve this goal by the set date either, but I am on my way there! My new goal is:

New Goal:
September 21st*: 16kgs
Challenge: Hold a plank for 1 minute.
Reward: Hour long massage.
*This is the date for my ball, so hopefully by losing this weight I will fit into my ball dress no problems!

Obviously I am not going to reach my goals by my original set dates, but I am still confident that I can make them within the next 6 months. Fingers crossed. And even if I don't, I know I will have made progress which is achievable and long term. Which to me is far more important.

So for the rest of my goals I am just going to set new dates.

October 31st: September 16th  20kgs
As skinny as I was when I came back from Sweden. Time to reminisce!
Challenge: Do 50 "real" push ups.
Reward: Buying a new pair of Jeans. I haven't bough jeans in about 3 years..


November 30th October 28th 25kgs
Uncharted Territory! It’s time to start thinking about where to go from here..
Challenge: Able to do 10 pull ups (lifting my own body weight)
Reward: Burn all of my old clothes! Have a party to celebrate!

January 1st  November 25th  30kgs
SOOOO Close! Time to start thinking about new clothes/style!
Challenge: Go Bungee Jumping
Reward: SHOPPING SPREE!!!

It's time to get Serious: Monday training

So I tried on my ball dress again last week. While I have had progress, I still have a bit to go. So I mentioned this to my trainer on Friday, and the results were Monday's training session.

Not sure if I'm going to regret my decision to tell her- time will tell!

So yesterday I did a similar session to the one in my Training with a capital T post.

I had to do 10 of each exercise, as fast as I can and then do it all over again!

So to warm up I did a 5 min jog on the treadmill. Then it was straight into it.

The exercises were:

Burpees: (including push up and sand bag). So starting standing up, jump out until your in a push up position, push up, jump back in, grab the sandbag and push that all the way over your head. Bring the sandbag back down to the ground. That's one.

Squats: Move the sandbag back to behind your head so it rests on your shoulders. Settle into a squat and as you come back up jump a little keeping the balls of your feet on the floor. Repeat.

Pushups: You should know how to do these :P

Sit ups: Not your average sit up. Bring your knees up off the ground and then try to reach your ankles. This one is a killer. I feel it EVERY time.

Leg drops: So moving into a crab like position, with your hand facing your knees, and your facing the ceiling, lift one of your legs off the ground until it is out straight then slowly lower it until you butt almost- but doesn't- touches the ground. Put it back down and swap legs.

Knee tucks: You should know these as well.

Lunges: My worst enemy. I just don't have any balance!!

Sit ups: I'm not sure exactly what you call this, but your on your back and with your legs up in the air -picture yourself in an L shape. Then you lower your legs as far as you can without touching the ground and bring back up. 1. Now do the other 9!

Plank Jacks: So your in a push up position, then imagine you're doing a star jump. Hold your core tight and jump your legs out, and then in. This one really works your core and used to be one that I struggled with a lot!

Quarter burpees: Last one! So start by bending over and touching the ground, then jump your legs out as far as you can, then jump back in. That's one.

This one was the one I hated the most!! Everything else I could move through but this one killed.

Afterwards it was straight into a 5 min jog which she slowly brought the time down so that eventually by 3 min I was walking.

This was a great session and I was really proud of myself, there were times when I just wanted to say I couldn't do it, I was too tired, I'd had enough, instead I just took a deep breathe, calmed myself down and got stuck back into it.

Now for Wednesday's session.. now there's a session I'm not looking forward too! I am going to be on the rower and then every time I take a break I am going to be doing stomach exercises, back on the rower, break to stomach exercises.

She also said that she might throw in some boxing moves, which I am very excited with as I used to do twai won do when I was in high school and really enjoyed it.

Oh and homework! She recommended I did these at home. Planks- holding yourself in a push up position (bum down) for as long as possible. Eventually building yourself up to 45 seconds to 2 mins! Side plank jacks- similar thing except your resting on one arm and your toes lifting your body up and hold. Repeat on the other side. 

Now these she said would get your tummy flat! So for all those girls out there who dream of a flat tummy- this is your answer. Not sit ups, which build and strengthen your core, but Planks. And they HURT! But hey it's worth it!.

Keeping Busy

One of the many things that I struggle with weight loss is how to maintain everything when I get busy. It's like as soon as I have something to do, I take my mind off what I should be eating or exercising and that's it, all my good intentions go out the window.

This weekend was not my best weekend. I caved. BAD. But as I tell myself now, when was the last time you had popcorn, coke and an icecream at the movies, let alone in day to day life? At least 6 months ago, probably more.

When was the last time you had a slice of pavlova (which I heaped the strawberries and banana on btw) .. probably about 6 months ago, if not more.

So when I think about it. I realise it's not so bad. I have been doing really well lately. Cutting back on the number of foods that I buy in packets or premade. Making everything myself. EVEN cutting back on chocolate.

Lately I have also noticed a change in my thinking as well, instead of saying "Well I've already had a piece of chocolate, I might as well eat the cookie as well" I have been saying "Well I had a piece of chocolate so I really shouldn't have that cookie as well." and thinking about what I should do to improve next time.

My goal is that eventually eating healthy will become a habit and I won't have to constantly plan and listen to those voices in my head, that eventually I'll think "I had a yogurt, I don't need the chocolate or the cookie" or some such. Eventually. And it seems I am on my way there.

I think it has something to do with seeing results, and feeling the difference in myself and realising I don't want to be the one to sabotage myself. I don't want to be the reason why I'm not moving forward.

And I am moving forward. On Saturday I went to the shops with a girlfriend and came across a dress that I absolutely loved from Cotton On. Now Cotton On is normally classed as one of those stores that "I used to buy from, but no longer fit into, and therefore only has "skinny sizes" ."  Anyways I'm staring at this dress that I love and I'm like, just try it on, you've been doing really well lately, maybe this will motivate you to lose that bit more to fit into the dress.

The dress is stretchy and skin tight.  AND is not normally something I would think to try on. Being heavier in the stomach and thighs I tend to buy things that sit tight around my bust and waist then flares around my problem area/s.

So this dress definitely didn't fit the bill. But I tried it on, and guess what? It a) fitted! b) looked good! I was in shock, I didn't actually think it would look good! I was waiting for the, oh it looks alright here, but you can still see my stomach there. Except it didn't happen. I liked the way it looked. Sure it would look way better on me if I lost another 10kgs. But it still looked good. It was like a dance up and down and squeal with excitement moment!!

Also looking at the sizing chart, I chose a large, which is the equivalent of an AU size 14- one size down! (Which is an equivalent of a US size 10.)

You can see the dress here http://shop.cottonon.com/shop/product/ariella-peplum-dress-6/

So from now on I am putting that dress at the front of my wardrobe, to remind me of how well I have done, and not to go back!

It's a new week ahead and it's time to start again with a clean slate and stop guilt tripping myself.

I have done well, I will do better.

Training with a capital T.

So I had personal training last night, and all day I was like "I'm sore, I'm tired, I really don't want to go to training". But I did. Because I know it's good for me, and because I am starting to see results, and on the way home from work, thinking about that, I was like "You know what? I am tired, I am sore, and I have been sick and haven't being giving it my all this last week. So today I am going to go HARD."

So I did. But I swear my personal trainer had the same thoughts as me because crikey did she have a work out planned! I have to say I am very pleased with myself, I did more than I thought I would and I didn't need to stop as much as I normally would. I think my trainer was happy - and so was I . I was proud of what I had done.

So to give you an idea of the work out I did, and also because most of these can be done at home, and because I'm thinking of doing some at home in my spare time- but if I don't write them down I'll forget them all!!

So what it was was a circuit basically, with 50 seconds doing as many of the exercises you can and then a 20 second break. You do the circuit twice. (Or more, but I only train for 30 minutes, with 5 min warm up, 5 min cool down and stretch)

Exercise 1. 4 Sumo squats, 4 lunges. Repeat as many times within the 50 seconds.

A sumo squat is a deeper, wider squat which instead of going straight into the next squat after you come back up, you bring one leg up as high as you can and back down. Squat, come back up and then bring your other leg out and as high as you can. So basically you kind of look like a sumo as they're getting ready to wrestle. =P

Exercise 2. 2 Push ups, turn it into a burpee and tuck jump. Repeat.

So push ups everyone gets- then you have to jump in with your legs, jump up and tuck your legs up to your knees and then down. Repeat.

Exercise 3. She calls these the "Crab" . Repeat.

So the crabs is where you are in a bend back position ( so basically you look like your a weird table facing the roof) and then you have to bring your arm up and the opposite leg up to touch. Repeat on the other side.

WARNING: THIS ONE WAS HARD!! ( At least for me, I think this one was the one I struggled with the most!!)

Exercise 4. 6 Hikers (?) not sure exactly the name and 6 star jumps. Repeat.

So your on the ground in a push up position ( a real push up!) and then you pretend your climbing a ladder, bringing your knee up counts as 1. Then you jump up and do star jumps. Repeat.

Exercise 5. Sit ups with a medicine ball. Repeat.

So a normal sit up except you start with the medicine ball on the ground behind your head with your arms fully stretched out, then bring the medicine ball to your feet. Repeat. I started with a 5kgs medicine ball and then I used a 7kg for the next one to make it harder. Yes that was my choice!! ( what was I thinking??)

Exercise 6. These she called "Get ups". Repeat as many as you can in 50 seconds.

So you start on your back with a 3-5 kg weight in your arm. Your arm is held straight up in the air. You now have to get up onto your feet while keeping that arm straight! ( This is hard- just because the urge to bend your arm is so hard to resist!!) anyways once you get back up, you have to get back down. Once you're back on the ground in the position where you started you swap arms and then do it all again!

Exercise 7. So another version of a squat. You hold a sand bag at chest height - do five squats and as you stand up, push the sand bag up over your head. Bring back down as you move into a squat. After that stay in the squat and do 5 mini squats- so basically don't stand fully up. Repeat as many as you can in 50 seconds.

Exercise 8. Another version of a sit up.

Lie on your back, bring your legs up so that so that your knees are bent. Then try and touch your ankles. Repeat as many times as you can in the 50 seconds.

There were two more exercises, but now I can't remember them! Ah well. You get the idea. At the end of the training I felt like I was a wet rag. My limbs were really loose and floppy ha ha

But as you can see the majority of these would be great to do at home- if you don't have the weights I'm sure you could substitute it with something else that weighs the same.

Another exercise which I love targets your love handles. AND it's not hard!! But boy do you feel it the next day! So your standing and you have a weight (or a tin is what my trainer suggest if you're at home) in one hand, you basically just lower the weight until you have fully stretched the other side. Repeat 10 times and then swap sides. It's that easy! :)

Anyone got some good exercises that they do at home in between sessions?